And Sarah Laughed….
When the Lord promised Abraham that he would make him a great nation, Abraham believed that the nation would be built out of his son Ishamael, because he believed, that Sarah would not be able to have children in her old age. But, God promised Abraham that he would give Sarah a child, and when Sarah overheard this conversation, what did she do? She laughed, and then lied to the Lord that she laughed. Some of us would like to think that if God himself made a promise to us, that the last thing we would ever do is laugh, but let’s be honest, Sarah’s reaction was far more typical than we would like to believe. The Lord makes us promises through his word, and yet we still doubt what he tells us. He may not give us the specific road map for our life the way he told Abraham specific details of his life, but we still doubt God sometimes, and often even laugh.
I know in my own life, I have had several of these moments, and I am ashamed to say I have had a reaction similar to that of which Sarah had. I personally have struggled with the idea that the Lord would redeem me for marriage again one day, to a Godly man, because I am divorced. It’s been something difficult in my life, because I know the Lord is faithful. I know that his word is clear and those who are abandoned by someone who is not faithful to the marriage covenant are released from the bonds of marriage and can remarry in the eyes of God. I know that I have prayed and prayed for the Lord to take the desire for marriage and children from me, if it wasn’t his will. I know that the Lord has allowed me to go through the things I have faced to help women, who are facing those same things, not to feel alone and to bring Him glory through my transparency. But a few months ago I heard, what I truly believe to be God say something VERY clear to me, and I laughed.
Last year a man, who is a young pastor, began to express interest in dating me, until he found out I was divorced. When he realized I was divorced, he told me he thought I was beautiful and that he knew I had a heart that Loved the Lord, and that I was one of the most spiritually strong women he knew, but that he just didn’t believe that his church would understand. I really wanted to explain, and dig, and make him see that scripturally, that didn’t matter because of the details of my divorce, but the Lord showed me that wasn’t the right relationship for me. The Lord gave me peace that my story was my own and that he had released me, and how I was seen in his eyes was all that mattered. It doesn’t mean it was any easier of a pill to swallow, that a pastor, wouldn’t pursue me because of something I didn’t have control of, and something I had fought so hard for not to happen. It was really difficult to stay focused on the Lord. I felt like if He had said these things to me, how could any godly man want me in his life, was I not damaged goods, because I had been married. But the Lord reminded me , You are MY CHILD, you are redeemed, and I have a perfect plan for your life.
I have begged and begged the Lord to take the desires from me for marriage and children. Sometimes these desires are so much that they are almost paralyzing. It has been the only thing I have ever really wanted. I have deep rooted beliefs that it’s a woman’s privilege to be a helpmate to her husband and to be responsible for the upbringing of children. I had even built a lucrative business so that I would be able to stay home and raise children and contribute financially. But those dreams were dashed. I truly want to be in the Lord’s will and so I began to pray that the Lord would show me his will, and that if it was a life of singleness, that he would remove the ache for a husband and children. Yet, as much as I have prayed he hasn’t remove those desires. I laughed because I am almost 34 and neither of those things are anywhere close on the horizon of my life that my eyes can see… but hey, SARAH was ninety.
Sometimes I think being transparent, can’t be a good thing if I ever want to marry again one day. I have laid my entire life before the eyes of people. All of my faults are out there for anyone to read. I have tried to be as transparent as I can be, because I truly believe that out of the ashes of my past the Lord will create something beautiful. I wonder what godly man, especially a man who might be in ministry, would want to be married to a woman who’s past is out there for anyone to read. Then the Lord reminds me that he has asked me to be transparent. That he has used my past for his glory. That it has all been redeemed, and covered by the blood of Christ. That what someone meant for harm against me, He will use for good and for the up-building of His kingdom. I can’t laugh, I have to trust, that if the Lord has someone out there for me that this man will be created to support and walk beside me,as I share my story of what the Lord has done in my life, and help other women heal from the abuse and pain, that they may also have experienced, and that may keep them from experiencing the precious healing love of our Savior.
But then the biggest “laugh” came a month or so ago when I was struggling unbelievably, and truly believe I felt the Lord say something to me and all I could do was laugh. Out of the blue I felt him say something very specific about my life, about my future, about who would one day love my heart. I laughed, because I looked at this and I said nope, no way, that’s the Devil talking to me. That’s too crazy. There’s no way that that could ever be true. There’s no way that God would ever open those doors. How was I not guarding my heart to keep those thoughts at bay? But, what if it really is the Lord? Who am I to laugh? I am not saying that I know for sure that it was the Lord, and I am living extremely guarded in the light of this, I am not manipulating situations to try to make what I thought I heard God say happen, but just learning from where Sarah went wrong in doubting the Lord. In reading Sarah’s story, I see that her life and her mistakes were laid out for everyone for generations to read. I am looking at what God used her to accomplish, to be apart of the lineage of the Savior of the World…. I want to trust that if that was Him speaking to my heart, that he is capable of doing ANYTHING. I just want to trust him for the best for my life, and not doubt the works of his hand.
Is anything too hard for the Lord?
The answer is a resounding NO!!! Continue to trust Him… He’s not done with ANY of us yet.